Chris & Melissa - It's a Tribuzi Life!

Surprise!!!

2010-09-30T21:22:00.001-07:00

I would like to start out by saying that I have an amazing and wonderful husband. Not just because of the things he does for me, which are a huge plus, but because of who he is. I am so proud to be his wife!

Now, on to my story. As many, many, many if you know, this year my birthday is kind of a big deal for me. I am turning 30, that in and of itself is a big deal but my birthday this year is 10/10/10. How cool is it to have each number be the same and it adds up to your age?? So naturally I wanted a big party... I have been telling Chris that for a while now. Well last Saturday I got it! Here's how it went...

A few weeks ago my my Sami and I decided it had been way too long since we had made plans for a Sami/Mel day. We consulted our calendars and agreed on a date. Sami wanted to see 'You, Again' so we decided to eat lunch, go see the movie and stop by and look at her house which is almost finished. Oh and we also did a little shopping. :-) She asked if I was going to watch the OU game and I said yes and did she want to stay and we could order pizza? Well she said yes and so I called Chris and let him know of our plans. No big deal. Well we get to my house and there are a ton of cars down the street! I mentioned to Sami that someone must be having a party. I figured it was our next door neighbors as they have teenage girls. When we get to the door Sami opens it, which I think is a little weird seeing as though Chris ALWAYS keeps the door locked. I didn't think too hard on it because I had talked to him earlier to let him know we were on our way home. I just thought he had unlocked it for us. As I am walking into the house I see my friend Joshua right inside the door... I am thinking what is he doing here? I assumed maybe Chris has invited people over to watch the OU game. Then I see tons of others and it's still not clicking together until I finally see the Happy Birthday banners! I get several shouts of surprise and I am floored! I see my parents, my aunt, uncle and Lindsey, his parents are here from Plano and tons of our friends from church and a few from college and elsewhere. I am sure I looked so dumb because I am just staring at everyone. My husband had been planning this for at least a month! I wasn't expecting a surprise party but especially not one two weeks before my birthday! It was a fabulous day and my best friend Amy brought me the cake which I loved! The high heel was a perfect cake topper for me!

Thank you friends and family for showing me your love, kindness and friendship over the years. I am super blessed to have so many people who care for me, for us and we are ever grateful for you!! Thanks for making my birthday, hands-down, the best yet! Which is pretty impressive since I haven't had it yet! You are the best!

Chris, I love you too much for words to express, thank you for loving me and doing something so amazing for me. You totally got me!

Worst, best dream and other miscellaneous

2010-09-13T16:50:00.001-07:00

This morning I woke up from the worst best dream... I know that sounds crazy but it was the best dream because in it I gave birth to a beautiful, happy, healthy baby girl. I had given birth without a doctor because she came so fast. It was glorious! My heart was so happy! The worst of it was that I had to wake up. Oh for dreams to come true! Part of me wishes that God was showing me what will happen, that is, I WILL get my hearts desire... The other half of me just thinks that because I am so aware of my desire that it is natural to dream about it. It was so hard to get out of bed after that dream. I wanted to go back to sleep and continue my dream. Unfortunately, that doesn't happen. I think what make it harder is that I found out I have a cyst about 20 mm big and anything over 14, they tell you to take a break. Dr. K gave me a pack of birth control to try and help shrink it. I go in a few weeks from now to see if it has shrunk. If it has I am back on clomid, if it hasn't who knows what the next step is... More bc? It feels like for every step we take forward to solve our fertility problems makes it worse. We are trying very hard to trust God and His timing... Too often though I try to take it back in my hands. I have also been talking to Chris about adoption. We are not sure if we are ready to give up on trying to get and stay pregnant yet. It's a blurry, frustrating line which is different for everyone. Please pray for our family and for God's will to be done and a peace for us as we try to follow him.
Besides the normal fertility issues we are excited to be starting a community group out of our Sunday school class. Tomorrow is our first night and I am looking forward to the group getting to know each other. Hopefully this will be a great chance to build deeper relationships and grow in our walk with Christ.

We are getting ready for several fun things in the next couple months, a few of them are the Blue Man group, a close friend's wedding in NYC, Chris being the BM in his buddy Dan's wedding and our annual Costume Party! My goal is to become better at blogging starting now, for the few that follow, thanks for dropping by, reading and leaving us a quick note!

And it is over...

2010-08-14T19:29:00.000-07:00

I can't believe it's already here... the end of summer. Tomorrow is my last day of summer break and then Monday it's back to work. Chris gives me a hard time since he works all year round. Definitely no sympathy from him! I haven't updated all summer... What a slacker! I was really holding out hope that we would have a new laptop, which runs faster, so I would feel more apt to update. No such luck. So here I am typing on our old computer.

Our summer has been a great time for Chris and I. It had a few low points but really we can't complain. I was able to travel with Chris twice this summer. Once to Reno, NV where we got to spend some time up around Lake Tahoe, it was beautiful weather! I must say, when I packed, I had packed for Oklahoma weather. It got quite chilly up in the mountains and I didn't bring ONE pair of jeans. BRR!!! This trip was also a difficult one as Caleb's due date came during the trip. I miss my little man. We find happiness in knowing that he is being loved by many in Heaven.

Our next trip was to Puerto Rico! We just got back on Friday and we had a good time. Chris had to work long days during the trip but we finally got to go to the beach for a bit our last full day there. Next time more beach and less rain please:)

A few other festivities of the summer included my mom and I going to Kansas City to see my sister-in-law graduate with her Masters in Bio Ethics and then help her and my brother move back to Tulsa. We drove up to Tulsa today to see Holly (SIL) get her white coat. She starts med school Monday. We are so proud of her and extremely glad they are much closer to us again.

I am looking forward to what this school year has to bring. A few things will be: an integration of two schools and staff, new ideas, positive thinking and soul searching. Oh, and most importantly... FALL! I am so tired of the ridiculous heat!

Done for now...

Melissa

9 More Days and Tornado

2010-05-10T18:56:00.000-07:00

As of this evening I have only 9 days left of school with the children! 1o if you count record day. I am so ready for summer to start. We have a few graduations to attend. My SIL Laura is graduating May 22 from med school and Chris and I along with my parents are driving down to watch her graduate and celebrate her HUGE accomplishment. We are so proud of her!! The other graduation we have is my other SIL, Ev's wife, Holly. She is graduating from KCUMB with her Master's in bio-ethics. We are extremely proud of her and all her hard work! She has been accepted to both OSU-Tulsa and KCUMB's med school. We are not sure yet where they will choose but we are crossing our fingers for Tulsa so they would be closer and we could see them more often. We miss them.

Our other summer plans include going to Lake Tahoe. Chris has to go to Reno for a site visit and so he suggested going up over a weekend, spending it at Lake Tahoe and then go on to Reno for the site visit. I am excited as I haven't been to Lake Tahoe before. I, Melissa, will be going with the high school to Colorado this summer for a hiking, repelling, white-water rafting trip. We were supposed to go on a missions trip to Mexico but because of everything going on down there, they didn't think it would be safe for the students. I really enjoy getting to go and do these things with the youth. It allows for a great bonding time and you get to know your kids so much better.

Changing subjects, we got to see both sets of parents for Mother's Day. Chris's parents drove up Saturday and we met them in Stillwater to see Chris's cousin, Megan, graduate from OSU. I can't believe she is already graduating. It was nice getting to spend time with his family and celebrate Mother's day with them.

Speaking of Mother's Day... It was harder than I imagined this year. I really didn't think that I would be affected by it but several sweet people sent me such precious messages that my heart was filled and being the emotional person I am, it got me weepy. Chris got me a really sweet card and flowers. I love him!

On a healthy note, I have started running again. I have run two 5K's in the past two months and I am running another one this coming Saturday. This is something that I am doing that is helping me feel better and get in shape. Last week I clocked in 13 miles. Yeah!!! Just wanted to share my joy. Celebrate the small stuff!

The big news today was the tornado. I was in Yukon getting some dental work done and when I got to the office at 4:10 the news was saying the bad weather was about an hour away. This would have left us plenty of time to get my stuff done and be gone... about 20 minutes later someone came and told Dr. R. that the storm was 5 to 10 minutes away and that we needed to leave soon. Luckily, my work was pretty much done so I hopped in my car and was driving home. I took N.W. 10th to Mustang road and went north on Mustang to get home. When I pulled into the garage Chris met me at the door and told me to get inside. This is when I heard that the tornado had touched down close to where I had just been minutes before. As they were describing it's location on the news I looked out my window to see the tornado. I am posting a pic of it so you can see it. We went out on the porch and watched it. I looked up to see clouds churning above us so we hastily retreated back inside. Oh the joys of Oklahoma living.

I hope tomorrow is good weather as we are having our career day and last year it rained. It made for a crazy day. Here's to hoping for fantastic weather and for everyone to show. If you think of it, say a little prayer for me.

Hope you all have a safe and pleasant night!

It's Been Too Long

2010-04-19T19:02:00.001-07:00

So, I am finally updating my blogger peeps on the last several weeks. I started back to work after Spring Break. It has been good to be back at work but the extended work day has taken it's toll. You get used to having a certain amount of time after work to get things done, now I feel like there isn't enough time to get everything done. I have started counting down the weeks. We have 24 school days left. Can't wait for summer!!

Chris and I traveled to Plano to celebrate Easter with his family. Easter was exactly two months since we lost Caleb. It was a difficult day as that was the first time we had seen several of his extended family and they were so sweet and asked about how we were doing. It was an emotional day.

We had another loss in our family, our first dog Mattie, passed away suddenly from unknown causes the week of Spring Break. It was another tough blow, especially for Chris as Mattie was his first dog. We miss her and are still waiting on her autopsy results. We are looking at adding to our furry family during summer so I can watch the puppy.

On an infertile note, I tracked my temperature this month and used an OPK. Found out I didn't ovulate this month so it looks like I will be back on clomid as soon as I start my next cycle. I am attending an amazing support group with people whom I can relate to and really talk about the good, the bad and the ugly. It has been such a blessing. I know that one day, some way, I will get to be a mommy. I also think about my two children who are watching me from heaven. This past Saturday would have been Baby T's one year birthday. I struggle so much with God's timing and the way life works sometimes. I have a friend who went through another round of infertility treatments, she was supposed to find out today whether the transfer worked. I was praying so hard that she would have GOOD NEWS! I got the news that she got a BFN. My heart is breaking for her. She has such a Godly outlook and trust in Him... I hope to be more like her. A song that I heard lately that has really spoken to me is by christian artist Matt Papa, "Open Hands" it has really just reminded me that I have to give God what I am holding in my hands and surrender all that I am to Him.

I am hoping to update more, we just don't have a good computer to use... Hopefully we can agree on a laptop soon.

Update

2010-03-09T18:30:00.001-08:00

So last Thursday I had my one month follow-up after losing Caleb. Dr. K had already received the genetic test results back and Caleb was fine. There was nothing wrong with my sweet baby boy. Dr. K said it was just a fluke. On one hand this was comforting news because that means there isn't anything wrong with Chris or I. On the other hand, it is upsetting because that means Caleb shouldn't have had to die... I should still be pregnant and looking forward to my due date. I think that is one of the hardest things about pregnancy loss, there often are no answers to our "why?" questions. Now not to say that even having an answer would make things easier, but that is what my mind wants to say sometimes.

Dr. K and I talked about getting back on Clomid as I would probably still have progesterone issues. He said we can be aggressive about it and start it as soon as I start my cycle. He offered some good advice. He said, " When dealing with loss, you must try and look to the future and not in the past." While I NEVER want to forget Caleb, I do see that it is important to look forward and not get caught up with the"what ifs?" I have been attending a support group for miscarriage and infant loss. It has been so beneficial to be around others who can understand my grief and allow my tears to flow when I need to and we lean on each other. I have been so blessed to have such supportive people who love and listen. I am grateful for another outlet to which I can share my feelings.

I know that life will get easier, God will provide and I know that God will pass on any love to Caleb from me. I am hopeful for the day when I will have a living child that I can hold and watch grow. For now I have two children in heaven and I will never forget them.

Our life experiences help stretch, mold and grow us. I know that I will be a stronger person because of this, my marriage is stronger, and when I do have a child I will truly appreciate the miracle of life.

Those are the thoughts for now...

The Last Few Weeks...

2010-02-17T17:44:00.000-08:00

Wow... where to begin... After our awful news we posted about we were supposed to have another ultrasound at Dr. K's office Wednesday. We went in and before we got started I wanted to update my doc or nurse's about what Dr. M had told us. They sent us back to talk to N, a nurse, I told her what they had told us Tuesday and she said they usually received a call from Dr. M's office when they get such bad news. They put us in a room and went to call Dr. M's office. A little while later Dr. K came in and asked us to come to his office. (I hate his office because it means bad news...) Dr K. told us that from what Dr. M had told him, it was pretty much guaranteed Caleb wouldn't make it. He said when a baby is balled up like that with very little fluid, Caleb would be a miracle baby if he made it. He then proceeded to tell us how he would handle delivering Caleb after he was gone... It was the worst news of my life... After all we had been through and Caleb had held on only to be told it wasn't enough.

Chris was really hit hard by it because up until that point, Dr. K hadn't seemed as worried as Dr. M. It was hard news for sure, it was even more difficult as Chris had to leave soon after our appointment. He was going to be gone until Friday afternoon. I was really upset so I had a friend, Sami, come stay with me, she was great. That night I started cramping off and on, this wasn't too different as I had been cramping since I started bleeding at 11 wks. Needless to say I didn't sleep well. Sami got up to get ready for work and I told her about my night, I ended up calling Dr K. and they suggested I come in. Sami took me to see him and my mom met us there. Mom and dad had a family funeral to attend that day and she wanted to make sure that things were ok before she left. Dr K. did an u/s and Caleb still had a heartbeat so he sent me home with instructions that if it got worse to call back. My mom took me home and left with my dad for Ada where the funeral was.

I started feeling better and was relaxing. I had a friend from Sunday school, Sarah and her little girl, Hannah, visit me and bring flowers and some books to read. Right about the time they were leaving I started cramping again. This time it was more painful so I took two extra strength Tylenol and got in a warm bath to try and help. Nothing seemed to make it better, I started timing my pain and I was cramping about every 3 mins and my pain lasted around a min each time. I called Dr. K and they called in some pain medicine for me, they said it if it got worse that I needed to go in to the Labor and Delivery unit.

I called Sami and asked if she could pick up my pain med. By the time she got to the house I was in so much pain Sami suggested that we just go to the hospital. I was in so much pain I agreed, the drive was awful, Sami was amazing getting me in and up to the 4th floor. It took a while for them to get us a room and to get me into the system. Finally they gave me a shot to help with the pain. It didn't do much for the pain, but it did however make me woozy. Another friend Amanda came to help and be with me. I called Chris and my parents. Chris couldn't be reached because he was up on a mountain with shoddy reception, so we left a message. Dr. K wasn't going to see me until the following morning and they were just going to monitor me over night.

The device they strapped to my stomach wasn't showing any contractions, and they didn't want to check me internally for fear of disrupting my placenta while Caleb was still alive. My mom finally arrived, my dad dropped her off, and she was there for a while when I felt a gush. I told my mom I though I was bleeding and she checked and I had. Then I felt pressure like something was ready to come out. I told her that we needed to call the nurse. The nurse came and said she couldn't check me because of my placenta, and she went to call Dr. K to see what to do next.

She came back and he had told her to check me so she checked me, oh the pain, as soon as she pushed in more blood came gushing out and she leaned in and said, "sweetheart, that is your baby, and you know he won't make it right?" I said yes and she left again to let Dr. K know. The rest of it is pretty blurry, I was still in so much pain and at some point Dr. K arrived. I was supposed to get an epidural, but Dr K. beat the needle so they just gave me something in my IV. Sometime between 7:45 and 8 my precious baby Caleb came in to the world. I am told he was stillborn. I was allowed to hold him and look at him, he was tiny, one of my first thoughts was he looked like his daddy. I missed Chris SO badly. It hurt my heart that Chris had to be all alone when he heard the news. I also needed my husband.

Sami stayed with me that night and Amanda came the next morning to keep me company. Chris was able to catch an earlier flight Friday so he made it to the hospital late morning, and we got to spend some time together with Caleb. It was hard because Caleb already looked different. It was a sad time. We had many people visit us and send us plants or flowers, and we are so appreciative of you. I have not talked to many people because talking on the phone or about what has happened is draining, so I want you to know that we DO appreciate all your prayers, even if we haven't acknowledged them.

I was discharged Saturday from the hospital. I had the woman who wheeled me out look for my baby and tell me my baby wasn't there yet, and I had to remind her there was no baby... That was nice... People make mistakes but what a awful time for one. A week later we had Caleb's funeral with family and some friends. It was SOOOOO incredibly hard to see Caleb's little casket and know that there are so many things that we will never get to do with our son.

The ceremony was led by our Sunday school pastor Jeff, it was a step toward healing. It will be a long journey, but we are blessed by a long list of family and friends who have us cloaked in prayer and support. I appreciate all my co-workers who have sent us kind words. I am blessed by you and appreciate you. I will leave you with two pictures... one of our little Caleb and one from the funeral... God bless you...

Doctor Appoinment and disappointment

2010-02-02T07:09:00.000-08:00

Today we had our follow up appointment with the high-risk specialist. It's been a week since I have seen any of my doctors and I was worried, because I am a worrier, that things might not be alright. I worry, "What if Caleb's heart stopped beating?" and" I haven't felt him move, oh no, what's wrong?"

Well we went in to the appointment and my mom and dad were able to come. I wanted to include them as they never got to experience ultrasounds. I wanted to share that with them. Well we get there and they do the ultrasound, his heart is still beating, but they can't get good angles on a lot of things because he is all balled up... Our lady gets done with the ultrasound and then we wait for our doctor to come in. (At this point I am feeling a little more relieved.. his heartbeat is good, and he is growing. Phew!)

When the doctor came in he began looking over things too and checking stuff. He said there was still some blood in Caleb's bowels which is still most likely due to my bleeding. I asked about the amniotic fluid and there is where the conversation went downhill quickly. My amniotic fluid is very low, this is one reason why Caleb is balled up, he can't move and stretch and there isn't much room. This also means that he could develop problems with his lungs and limbs and the fluid allows the baby to develop and work their muscles and lungs. The doctor said that in cases he has seen like this, one day the baby's heartbeat could be gone, or I could make it to where Caleb could be delivered further along in the pregnacy but still an early delivery. Most likely after 24 weeks, if my fluid is still low we would look into hospital stays, steriods for the baby's lungs and other options. We could possibly be looking at an early delivery, if Caleb makes it that far, as early 25 weeks depending on how Caleb is doing. He said right now Caleb is getting everything he needs from me but they don't know all the lasting effects that Caleb could have to deal with if he survives.

We are just reeling right now as this is the bleakest information we have received so far. We are completely relying on God to help us through this. We appreciate all your prayers and support. Thank you for being with us during this time. We love and appreciate you.

Melissa and Chris

Big news!!!!

2010-01-12T13:56:00.000-08:00

We are having a baby boy on June 21, 2010!!! To some of you, this will come as a complete shock, to others, thanks for ur prayers! I would not have gotten through these past few weeks with God and those dear to me! We are so excited that we will finally be adding to our family after a year and a half of trying. God has taught me so much these past few years. Most important is that I am not in control... Crazy right? I thought I made plans and figured out my life... Yeah right! I am constantly having to rely on God for protection and support. While we are pregnant this has not been an easy journey, at 11 weeks I started spotting... I panicked, I thought, "this baby too Lord?" well He has been faithful to protect our little one but I am still bleeding. It's gotten worse as the weeks have passed but my doctors, yes, now I have more than one, seem confident that it will stop at some point. At this time here are a few things you can be praying for as we continue on our journey, I have been diagnosed as having marginal placenta previa, this is causing the bleeding and horrible cramping. The baby was checked today by a perinatal specialist and the found that the baby's bowels have some blood in it which is probably due to my bleeding as is the lower level of amniotic fluid. They are going to categorize me as high risk for the remainder of our pregnancy journey. Please pray for my continued faith in God and His promises, for Chris as he gets to deal with my anxiety, for baby Caleb,and for my ability to work (which right now is low).
We are so grateful that we have been supported and provided for. Hopefully things will start to smooth out and we can all enjoy the rest of this journey.
If you are reading this and have not have your prayer of pregnancy answered yet, know my heart goes out to you and I pray that your prayers are answered soon!

Love you,

Mommy T

I know, I know... Where have I been??

2009-12-29T12:43:00.000-08:00

So Merry Belated Christmas! I am sorry I have been MIA for so long. I have thought of many things I wanted to blog about but when it came down to it, it was a pain since our home computer is on the fritz.

Chris and I had a great time in Branson for our anniversary. I can't believe it's already been three years. He is the love of my life, even when he is being incredibly irritating. :) I didn't get to take any pictures because I left without packing the camera. Genius I know... We got to just relax and visit the Titanic museum and see the Dixie Stampede show. It was a lot of fun.

We found out while we were up there that my parents who were dog sitting the "grand pups" had to take Porcha to the vet. She got impacted several inches into her intestines and poor thing had to be cleaned out. On the bright side of that, she came home groomed and matte-free!

We left for Plano to spend Christmas with Chris's family on Wednesday and got to spend some good time with his parents and sisters. It did snow in Plano Christmas eve, tho' I was SORELY disappointed that I missed the most snow OKC has gotten ever!! So sad. We got to share Christmas dinner with extended family which is always such a pleasure. His family is always such fun to be around. We were able to watch as his cousin was proposed to. We are so excited for Megan and Guy and she will be the 3rd cousin on Chris's side of the family to be engaged.

We are back home and so happy to be relaxing before work starts up again. Today is my brother and sister-in-law's 2nd anniversary. Tomorrow is our actual anniversary and we are going to celebrate Christmas with my side of the family. Looking forward to my mom's barley! Yum!!!

Hope you and your family are staying warm! I can't believe the New Year is almost here!

The death of my blackberry...

2009-10-24T16:51:00.000-07:00

It's official... well most likely official... my phone has quit on me... two months before my upgrade. Typical. I spent about three hours today running around to different stores trying to get an answer for "JVM Error 102". This is what I woke up to this morning "JMV Error 102", my crackberry was working fine when I went to bed. Now according to the 3rd AT&T store, my 4th trip, it's fried. Of course when I called 611 they ask me if I am retarded, well ok maybe that's an exaggeration but some of the questions are insulting. "Does your phone work?" REALLY?!? Would I be calling if it was working?? So after a lot of suggestions they said I should try downloading from the website again to see if that would reset my phone. That is great and all but what if my home computer isn't working? What if we have a virus that doesn't let us get on the internet? Surely, there is another computer we can use... Oh wait my work computer doesn't let you download anything, the same as my mom and dad's computer. The crappiest of all is that they will give me an exception upgrade(I am due for mine in January) but even though their phone crapped out before two years, if I want the upgrade, I have to pay 75 additional dollars, I don't get the full discount, so I am paying out the wahzoo for a phone I would normally get much cheaper. WTC!!!!

After much frustration I am at home with my stupid phone still on showing "JMV Error 102"... Goodbye calendar, goodbye contact list, goodbye ringtones, goodbye pictures... You will be missed.

OU/TX & Fall Break

2009-10-15T19:24:00.000-07:00

I am so thankful for Fall Break! I got to enjoy a lovely day of old family friends and naps and time with my hubby! I slept a long time this afternoon which was much needed as I have been sick since last weekend, I am slowly but surely getting better but the nap today helped SO much! I am so glad that I work at a school and get breaks. I know I am so lucky! After this it's Thanksgiving break and then Christmas Break. :) I love the upcoming holidays. I love being with my family and friends and I love the weather and Christmas music. This time of the year is the best!

On a different note I am really excited to go to the OU/TX game! One of my best friends invited me to go with her, I am so pumped as this is probably the only game I will go to! We are headed down there tomorrow afternoon and coming back after the game Saturday. I am excited to spend some time with Sami! Hopefully the game is good! Go Sooners and for those of you who get one, have a Happy Fall Break, for those who don't, I hope you have a great weekend!

Thanks for reading my thoughts

29

2009-10-11T17:46:00.000-07:00

I turned 29 on Saturday. WOW, I can remember a day when I thought that age was old! I don't feel old! :) I had a great weekend. On my birthday Chris got up and my mom and dad and 2nd cousin Lindsey and my best friend Amy came over and celebrated with breakfast in bed! It was yummy, I didn't get to eat a lot because Amy and I were running in the Swazi 5K. We had to be there before 8:30 our race started at 9. It was good, Amy and I completed it in 35 mins and 47 seconds. I am happy with it since we hadn't really trained. Maybe our next one will be faster. :)

I got to celebrate my birthday twice, dinner with Chris Saturday and Sunday afternoon dinner at my parents. I am so blessed to have family so near and family that loves me and supports me during the best and worst of my life.

On a different note I am feelings under the weather. It's probably allergies or a cold from one of the kids at school but it stinks. My throat hurts and it's scratchy. I am waiting for it to pass. Please pass quickly!

I am excited because we have fall break this week! I get Thursday and Friday off! My goal to to repaint our office, but that will be after sleeping in :) Yeah for Fall Break! This time of year I get really excited, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Anniversary! All this coming up in the next months. I love this time of year. Here's to football, hot chocolate and scarf weather!!! :)

Butterfinger Phone App

2009-10-02T08:38:00.000-07:00

So I was watching this cute video of a little baby dancing to Beyonce's "Single Ladies (Put a Ring on it) when the funniest clip popped up after it... It was two guys sitting on a bench, one with a butterfinger. The other has his phone and says, "hey check out my new phone app." It then proceeds to steal the other guys butterfinger. So the guy pulls out his phone and says "look at this one"... when the stealer leans over to look at it, the guys hits him in the head with his phone and takes back his butterfinger. I laughed out loud... I hope everone gets to see it, I can't find a website that it is up and running on or I'd give you the link... hilarious though... good times...

Here is the link to the baby dancing...
http://video.yahoo.com/watch/6058308/15744481

I have the right...

2009-09-30T11:23:00.001-07:00

I was at a conference a few weeks ago and attended a session on grief. Now this is geared toward children and resiliency but it spoke to me as well. There is a website www.centerforloss.com that has grief rights... there were several that spoke to me as I continue to struggle with IF and the loss of baby Tribuzi a year ago... The two that really spoke to me is I have the right to talk about my grief whenever I feel like talking and I have the right to need other people to help me with my grief. Sometimes I feel like talk to much about what I am feeling and how sad I still am... I feel like people are going to not want to be around me because I talk about it. Needless to say I feel guilty a lot when I do talk to someone about my grief... Those grief rights remind me that it is ok to talk about it! Now it doesn't mean that everyone will listen or that people will say or do what I need them to but the point is I AM ALLOWED TO HURT...

It was a year and a week ago today that we went to our first OB/GYN appt to check on the baby and do an ultrasound and it was a year and a week ago today that we were told that the baby had stopped growing... This past year has been a difficult one there has been too much loss. My birthday is coming up and it too is bittersweet as 3 days before my birthday I had a D&C to remove my sweet baby. Maybe this is why emotions are running high for me right now... I don't know but I sometimes feel that if we are able to get pregnant it will talk away a lot of pain and resentment I feel. Realistically I don't know if that will ever happen. I was blessed with the gift of empathy, I feel deeply and am affected forever by the things, people and circumstances that happen in my life... So a viable pregnancy may or may not change my seasons of grief... Who knows? What I do know is that I need to rely more upon God for strength, I tend to think that I will do a better job than He of planning my life and being strong but when it all boils down, I am weak, selfish and narrowminded. My friend told me last night that God's timing is perfect, my faith tells me this is true but my flesh is screaming "Yeah right!"... I do know that whenever we finally have a baby either biologically or through adoption that child and those to follow it will be so loved! I just wish God would give me the greatest desire of my heart, a child. Maybe that is the problem, God isn't at the top of my list or maybe I just have a screwed up system that needs some serious fine tuning.

All I know is that I am tired of suffering alone... my hope is that I can bond with others who are or have dealt with what I am and can provide support and comfort if to do nothing else than lend an ear.

Do not worry though, my writing will not always be so glum, but you know what? We are allowed to have our bad days, our days when we feel like nothing is going right and the whole world is out to get us. We are also allowed days of hope and joy and fresh outlooks. My God has blessed me with an amazing husband, loving family and fantastic friends. I know that even through my down days I am thankful for the love and support that everyone has given me this past year. I KNOW that I would not have made it without you.

I pray that if you don't have a support system that God places in your path someone who will love and listen to you, cry and laugh, tell you when you are being stupid and support you no matter what choices you make.

Just remember I have a right, so do you.

Love you!

Going South!

2009-09-25T06:44:00.000-07:00

I am excited because today after work we are heading down to Plano to see the in-laws... Laura is in town before she goes on her next rotation for med school so we are making a quick trip down to see her, Craig and Diane. :) It will be good to see them, we really didn't get to make any trips down there this summer so it's been a while since Chris has seen his family. We are going to enjoy a good, albiet short, visit.

On a different note, I am so pumped about it being officially fall!!! Even though the weather this weekend will feel more like summer, yesterday was a fall day! We went to the fair last night with some of my good friends the Lawsons and Huntingtons. We have been friends since high school and we had a good time gorging ourselve on fair food... Really, that is all we did... My scale will tell you I ate about two pounds of food last night :) Oh was it good! Plus we saw the BEST MULLET EVER!!! This dude's hair was LONG and he had the thick chops and the business was curly while the party was wavy... John got a sweet pic of it. :) So good times. I also ran into so great friends from college and it was so much fun to talk with them a bit, it brings back such fond memories. Fair=Awesomeness!

Well catch you later!!! Have a great weekend everyone!

It's been a while....

2009-09-14T11:24:00.000-07:00

Ok so I have been really bad at blogging during the summer and back to work... I have thought of writing from time to time but then haven't felt like it so I didn't... here is an update of things...

I did a lot of traveling this summer. I visited Portland, Oregon; Roach, Missouri; Columbus, Ohio; Tampa and Orlando, Florida; and Atlantic City, New Jersey. I was busy during June, very busy... July was slower and I got to enjoy swim dates with my best friend Amy and her baby Abigail... I absolutely loved spending time with them and enjoyed all my "Abbytime" I could get. August came too soon and already we have been back to work almost a month... Crazy!

I am ready for cooler weather, today it feels almost cool outside, I love it! I am ready for long sleeves, sweatshirts and beanies! Chris does not share my love of cooler weather... Poor guy!

To update my dream of adding to our family... I called my doctor in July to get an appointment to see what was going on and why we haven't gotten pregnant yet. I went in and did blood tests and the results were that I have low progesterone... I get kinda disappointed that we waited this long when we could have started medication earlier but we can't change the past... I just went through my first cycle of clomid to no avail... It didn't work this time... I told myself not to get my hopes up and I tried not to but I did feel a little disappointed that it didn't work. I guess we will just have to try again. Chris is traveling a lot before December so that can add a kink in our family planning as well. He is such a good husband and so patient with me. I pray that God will be with us during this journey and that He will remind me that I am not in control, He is...

If you think about it remember us in your prayers... babies are being conceived and born all around me and it is a blessing but also bittersweet as I so badly wish to become a mommy. So thanks for any and all prayers that go out after reading this :)

I am going to a conference Thursday and Friday so I am looking forward to that and to finding new things to implement at work and to visit with my counselor friends.

I hope God blesses the rest of your week... Hopefully I will become better at blogging... Peace out.

Sigh... with a breath of fresh air in there somewhere

2009-05-19T14:24:00.000-07:00

So these last few weeks of school are DRAGGING!!! March and April flew by and I figured May would too... Oh no, I was wrong!!! Plus other schools are getting out soon, we (OKC public schools) start later in the year so we get out later and with our measley ONE snow day we always have to go several days later so June 2 is officially my last day of school! Yes! Then I get to go to camp with my middle school girls for the last time... sniff, they grow up so fast! Really looking forward to seeing what God does for my girls and myself this year.

The weather outside is gorgeous, thank you Jesus, and it's hard to be stuck inside.

Chris is travelling this week to Dayton, OH for work... it's always less fun when he is gone. I miss my husband when he has to go for work. Love you sweetie!

Working out for the past two weeks has been like avoiding the dentist because you don't want to have a root canal! I don't get it, I was so pumped and hardcore two weeks ago that I dropped two pounds that week, now I have zero motivation to work out or eat right... WHAT'S THE DEAL?!?!? I mean I had a salad for lunch, that is good but the bag of sunchips, a snickers and 5 mini chips ahoy cookies??? See my problem? I can't seem to get rid of sweets, even if I haven't had any in a while I love, love, love em... What's your biggest food trap? Fajitas? Chips? Chocolate? EVERYTHING YOU SEE?? Let me know.

All I know is that today it ends... tomorrow I will choose healthy snacks and stick to it... "today was a eat whatever you want because you want to day"... Here's to tomorrow!

April Overview and May Beginnings

2009-05-10T13:01:00.001-07:00

Hello! I know I am not the best at updating our blog, I will try and do better. Most of the time though when I remember I need to update is during the day and therefore I am actually working... Anyways I will try to be more consistent for the few of you that actually check this out.

April - We had a good time this month... We had a friend's birthday dinner at the Melting Pot (YUM!!!), the Gavin Degraw concert, Easter and the 2nd of the cousin weddings in Chris's family (ours was the first).

We helped celebrate Natalie's 30th birthday party at the Melting Pot, oh my word was it delicious!! Especially the dessert! So good!! It was great to get to spend time with her and Jon. I can't believe it's almost been a year since their wedding. Yeah for them!!

I went to the Gavin Degraw concert with one of my best friends Joni! It was so much fun, she really really wanted to meet him so we bought a t-shirt, way cute, and since we spent a certain amount we got to meet him. :) He was really nice and very kind. It is so nice to meet someone who has such a grounded view on who he is and where he came from. We had such a great time, I love getting to spend any time I can with Joni. She is such an amazing woman and I miss her greatly since she lives in Dallas...

Lastly Erin and Brooks wedding was so much fun. It was nice to go to a family wedding and not have to be the one planning things and getting everything/one ready and where they should be. It was my first Catholic wedding and it threw me for a loop... It was such a beautiful wedding and it was great to see everyone and spend time with aunts and uncles, cousins and friends. Erin was such a lovely bride and they made the wedding so much fun. It was too short though... I wish we had a bit more time to spend with the family but we are looking forward to seeing some of them again when we go up to Ohio for Andrea's (Chris's sister) graduation from pharmacy school. We are definitely looking forward to that!

All in all April flew by with state testing at my schools and busy weekends... however there weren't too many showers, that has come in May... so much for April showers...

May started out with a mid-high all-nighter for me... Laura and I have gone the past two years and we enjoy getting to see our girls but it is trying with over a hundred middle school boys and girls... mainly the boys... SO glad I am a girl... the boys are CRAZY!!! I did fairly well staying happy and not grumpy until about 5 a.m and then everything went south... I was ready for bed and had less patience with loud kids... I survived though... once we got done at 7 I went home and slept for three hours before I had a hair appointment at 11, got home and we baby sat for our friends, I stayed up with precious Landry until 3 and then I crashed and slept until I had to get ready at 6 for the JEFF DUNHAM show! SOOOOOOO much fun! He is really funny and I love Achmed the dead terrorist... We laughed so hard, Chris and I really enjoyed it... We didn't get home until 11:30 and had church the following morning but I made it and got to take a nap Sunday afternoon... Loved it!

Last night I had a girls night with my friends from high school, we try to get together at least once every couple of months. It was so good to get to spend some time with them and laugh and hang out and enjoy each others company. We ate at Mama Rojas, it is good but it takes a while to get the food.

Today is Mother's day, I am reminded of how incredibly blessed I am to have such a terrific mother and mother-in-law. My sweet husband got me a card and a gift certificate to Express... for those of you who don't know, I am the proud mother of two sweet dogs. :) He was precious, Chris that is... I love my mom and I am so thankful for all she has done for me in my 28 + years of life... My life has been enriched, stretched and blessed because she has been my mother. I am also blessed to have a mother-in-law who raised my husband with a good head on his shoulders and who has great morals and ideals. She is so kind and thoughtful and I couldn't have asked for a better mother-in-law.

So far May is off to a great start... the countdown has begun to the end of school... only 16 school days left!!!!! I can't wait for summer, I will try and post of pics of April later...

Peace out!

March is gone... here is a overview of our month

2009-04-01T06:49:00.001-07:00

Being a school counselor definitely has it's perks, especially one called SPRING BREAK!!! I am so thankful that I have a job that allows time to recoup from tough times... around spring break everything seems to get crazy and people are getting testy, probably due to testing, and by Spring break I am ready for my time to relax. Chris had to travel during SB to Puerto Rico for work so I got to go! It was so much fun to just relax and enjoy the warm weather on the beach. I was sick right before we left but I was able to take some medicine and get some shots so I felt better during our trip. We arrived home on Wednesday and I did absolutely nothing outside of my home Thursday or Friday. I did do some spring cleaning but even that was minimal.

March 28 I went to see the Wizard of Oz ballet with my mother and my friend Stephanie and her mother Jean. I took my mom for her birthday which was the beginning of March. We had a great time, we dressed up and went out to eat and tried not to freeze.

I am ready for April now, we have testing in a week and a half, once testing is over we only have a little over a month left of school. It's amazing how much time flies after SB...

We are also excited for Chris's cousins wedding... Erin is getting married April 25 and we are going to Ohio for that, it will be great to see all his family and enjoy our time together with them.

Looking forward to a great rest of my school year and a terrific summer.

My heart is broken!

2009-02-24T06:35:00.000-08:00

Last night was possibly one of the worst nights of my life. My mom called me as I was driving home from work and said that she wanted me to come by and see her. I told her I was tired and I wanted to go home but maybe I would go with Chris when he took Mattie to the vet. She called back a few minutes later and said that she would be meeting us at the vet, she had to take Duli in.

At this point I knew that Duli hadn't been eating very much in anything and she was found lethargic about a week or two ago but they had perscribed pain medication for her.

A little background, Duli is short for Dulile which means precious in Siswati. We got her soon after we arrived back from South Africa. She was my best friend, she licked my tears away when I was sad, she made me laugh when I was angry, she was the best dog! She was 14 years old which is a very long life for dogs...

Back to yesterday, Chris tried to make me stay home and he would come back and get me once they were done with mattie. I told him my mom said she would meet me there. He went to the other room to make a call and wouldn't tell me who he was talking to. I knew something was up. I asked him if he was talking to my parents and he finally answered what it was. I asked how bad it was and he said it wasn't good. I immediately starting crying... It was then that he told me she'd had a seizure. My poor sweet Duli! I asked him on the way if she would have to be put down, he told me probably... that is when the tears really started falling... They haven't stopped really since.

I went to the exam room and took my precious dog in my arms and held her and talked to her and thanked her for being my best friend and for loving me fiercely. We chose to keep her ashes, though we aren't sure what we will do with them yet. I stayed with her until the end, I held her paw while they gave her the injection and I watched her slip away. I am glad that she is no longer in any pain, but I am going to have a whole in my heart until I see her again some day.

Good bye my sweet, caring, funny, precious Duli. I love you!!

Happy Birthday to my Husband!!

2009-01-13T08:41:00.000-08:00

Today is Chris's birthday! My family grew up doing breakfast in bed so I got up at 5:30, what an ungodly hour, to fix him french toast and scrambled eggs. He then got to have his breakfast in bed with Porcha staring at the plate ready to grab something if he stopped paying attention. I hope today is a blessed day for him as well as his mother whose birthday is also today. I am looking forward to taking him out tonight for dinner, I hope he likes it!

:)

A sad day

2009-01-09T12:36:00.000-08:00

So my team didn't win last night... I thought they played hard and did well considering all the hype about how fast the Gators were. They did their best...

On another note I am glad it's Friday I am looking forward to the weekend. It will be pretty busy with soccer games, cleaning the house and preparing for Sunday. I am looking forward to being back at our home church.

Go Sooners!!!

2009-01-08T06:41:00.000-08:00

THIS IS THE YEAR! I am very hopeful... I hope it's a great game, that both teams play hard... I am looking forward to enjoying the game and the outcome! GO Sooners!

Breakdown of the Holidays and New Year

2009-01-05T08:08:00.000-08:00

I found out last week I didn't get my Christmas wish... I get pretty down around this time of month. I know God has a plan for us and His timing is perfect! It doesn't help though when I start to feel this way, I get so sad and upset and wonder why all these other people and not me Lord? I guess I just have to keep praying and reminding myself that God has us in His hands and He will provide for me one way or another.

On a different note, we had a fantastic Christmas with my family in Oklahoma City. We had my brother and his wife down from Tulsa and spent the day together with them! My favorite present of the day was my TomTom from my parents! So excited about it! I was even more excited that I got to put it to good use when we went down to Plano the following week! We left OKC on Monday, Plano bound, we spent time with the in-laws and Grandma Tribuzi for the first two days. Tuesday the 30th was our two year anniversary!!! I can not believe how fast time flies. I am so grateful for my amazing husband who loves and supports me, who provides for me and makes me laugh. I look forward to the rest of our life! Back to the story, so that night Chris took me out to dinner at a Brazilian steak house called Rafains. It was fabulous!! Chris got a Wii for our anniversary and I got a beautiful red coat! So excited about it!

On Wednesday, Andrea, Chris's sister, arrived from New Zealand where she had travelled with Uncle Mark. I have to admit I was uber jealous as I really want to see New Zealand. It was fun to see her pictures and places where Lord of the Rings was filmed. New Year's Eve we had some of the aunts and uncles and cousins over for dinner, then Chris, myself, Andrea, Dan and his girlfriend Lauren went downtown to the AA center. I must admit I was frozen and didn't not enjoy the cold and people pushing me around. Maybe next year a little more low key.

Thursday I got to have lunch with one of my best friends and favorite people, Joni. It was her birthday on Wednesday so we went to lunch and I was able to give her the hilarious birthday card I got for her. We had a terrific time! I bought a pair of boots with her, she brings out the shopaholic in me. :) (not that it needs too much persuasion)

Friday we were pretty lazy, which I LOVED, and then that evening Chris, Andrea and I met up with Joni and Dan and Lauren again and headed to a sports bar called Flips. Chris was up way past his bedtime, we were grateful for him sacrificing his sleep to be with us and drive.

Lastly Saturday was uncle Kurt's surprise 50th birthday party with his brother-in-law Dave and father-in-law Wally. We had the most delicious Greek food and had a lot of fun chatting with family.

Chris and I headed back to OKC yesterday, we got in around 4:30 and were so glad to be home and in our own bed. I love family time but nothing beats getting home to YOUR bed.

The New Year has started off well, my prayer for this year is that God will continue to bless Chris and I in our marriage and life in OKC, I pray for patience in God's timing, guidance in molding me into the best person I can be and for peace to deal with whatever comes our way this year. May God bless you and your life, may He always remind you He is never far and may He shower down blessings on you.

Love you!

Tis the Season...

2008-12-17T06:22:00.000-08:00

Okay so as Christmas is fast approaching I am starting to wonder if I made sure and covered all the people on my list. I always worry that I might forget someone and that would make me feel so bad so I am checking my list again to make sure it's all checked off. I am itching for Friday to get here, I am ready to sleep in, do some serious cleaning and spend some time with family. I am excited to get to have Lindsey over on Monday through Tuesday. She is my 2nd cousin and is 10. I plan to do lots of fun stuff with her. Here are a few of the things we might do: Go see Madagascar 2, ice skate downtown, paint pottery and make gingerbread houses. We will see if we can fit that all in.

This year a few of my Christmas wishes are for my brother to find a job that he enjoys, patience for myself and everyone else around this time of year, happiness in the children's families in my schools, for people to stop long enough to be reminded of what this season is about and to get excited about that and lastly and more selfishly, I want a baby for Christmas... We'll see what God has in mind though.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

Thanksgiving

2008-12-02T08:47:00.000-08:00

We had a great trip to Plano, TX and spent quality time eating, shopping, watching movies on the TV and in the theater. We spent time with the Reichert's and got to meet their foreign exchange student Pia. She was fun to talk to. I am so thankful for my family and friends and for a roof over my head and good food to eat. I am thankful for God who knows what will happen even when I don't. I hope that this time of year brings gratitude into everyone's heart for what they DO have. We missed our friends and family in OKC but it was time well spent with family and friends in Texas. Now I am ready for CHRISTMAS!!! Here I come!!!

Newbie

2008-11-24T06:34:00.000-08:00

So I am new to this, I have probably most every other chat/blog thing online, but I thought this might be a good way to update people on our life who don't have facebook or myspace. :)

I am SO excited for the Holiday Seasons! I love Thanksgiving and getting to spend time with everyone, but I really LOVE Christmas! It is just a time of giving and rejoicing in our Savior's birth! There is such joy that fills my heart during this time of year. I hope it's contagious! Chris and I put up our Christmas tree already, before you all say, "IT"S NOT EVEN THANKSGIVING!" We put it up since we will be gone to Plano for Thanksgiving and it will be up for the first day of December.

My hope and prayer for everyone this season is for peace. As much as I enjoy this season it can be a time of worry, stress, anger, fear of the "in-laws/parents", financial crisis, etc. May God remind you and me this year that we can have peace amidst all the chaos that sometimes follows our celebrations.

Above all the dinners and presents and "thankfulness" we have loved ones and a roof over our heads. We have friends who encourage, love and uplift us. We have a father who knows our needs and provides for us when we think we can't go on...

May we all remember what these holidays are really for... Thankfulness.... for all God has given us and for precious baby Jesus...

Happy Thanksgiving and soon MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!