I know, I know... Where have I been??

So Merry Belated Christmas! I am sorry I have been MIA for so long. I have thought of many things I wanted to blog about but when it came down to it, it was a pain since our home computer is on the fritz.

Chris and I had a great time in Branson for our anniversary. I can't believe it's already been three years. He is the love of my life, even when he is being incredibly irritating. :) I didn't get to take any pictures because I left without packing the camera. Genius I know... We got to just relax and visit the Titanic museum and see the Dixie Stampede show. It was a lot of fun.

We found out while we were up there that my parents who were dog sitting the "grand pups" had to take Porcha to the vet. She got impacted several inches into her intestines and poor thing had to be cleaned out. On the bright side of that, she came home groomed and matte-free!

We left for Plano to spend Christmas with Chris's family on Wednesday and got to spend some good time with his parents and sisters. It did snow in Plano Christmas eve, tho' I was SORELY disappointed that I missed the most snow OKC has gotten ever!! So sad. We got to share Christmas dinner with extended family which is always such a pleasure. His family is always such fun to be around. We were able to watch as his cousin was proposed to. We are so excited for Megan and Guy and she will be the 3rd cousin on Chris's side of the family to be engaged.

We are back home and so happy to be relaxing before work starts up again. Today is my brother and sister-in-law's 2nd anniversary. Tomorrow is our actual anniversary and we are going to celebrate Christmas with my side of the family. Looking forward to my mom's barley! Yum!!!

Hope you and your family are staying warm! I can't believe the New Year is almost here!

The death of my blackberry...

It's official... well most likely official... my phone has quit on me... two months before my upgrade. Typical. I spent about three hours today running around to different stores trying to get an answer for "JVM Error 102". This is what I woke up to this morning "JMV Error 102", my crackberry was working fine when I went to bed. Now according to the 3rd AT&T store, my 4th trip, it's fried. Of course when I called 611 they ask me if I am retarded, well ok maybe that's an exaggeration but some of the questions are insulting. "Does your phone work?" REALLY?!? Would I be calling if it was working?? So after a lot of suggestions they said I should try downloading from the website again to see if that would reset my phone. That is great and all but what if my home computer isn't working? What if we have a virus that doesn't let us get on the internet? Surely, there is another computer we can use... Oh wait my work computer doesn't let you download anything, the same as my mom and dad's computer. The crappiest of all is that they will give me an exception upgrade(I am due for mine in January) but even though their phone crapped out before two years, if I want the upgrade, I have to pay 75 additional dollars, I don't get the full discount, so I am paying out the wahzoo for a phone I would normally get much cheaper. WTC!!!!

After much frustration I am at home with my stupid phone still on showing "JMV Error 102"... Goodbye calendar, goodbye contact list, goodbye ringtones, goodbye pictures... You will be missed.

OU/TX & Fall Break

I am so thankful for Fall Break! I got to enjoy a lovely day of old family friends and naps and time with my hubby! I slept a long time this afternoon which was much needed as I have been sick since last weekend, I am slowly but surely getting better but the nap today helped SO much! I am so glad that I work at a school and get breaks. I know I am so lucky! After this it's Thanksgiving break and then Christmas Break. :) I love the upcoming holidays. I love being with my family and friends and I love the weather and Christmas music. This time of the year is the best!

On a different note I am really excited to go to the OU/TX game! One of my best friends invited me to go with her, I am so pumped as this is probably the only game I will go to! We are headed down there tomorrow afternoon and coming back after the game Saturday. I am excited to spend some time with Sami! Hopefully the game is good! Go Sooners and for those of you who get one, have a Happy Fall Break, for those who don't, I hope you have a great weekend!

Thanks for reading my thoughts

29

I turned 29 on Saturday. WOW, I can remember a day when I thought that age was old! I don't feel old! :) I had a great weekend. On my birthday Chris got up and my mom and dad and 2nd cousin Lindsey and my best friend Amy came over and celebrated with breakfast in bed! It was yummy, I didn't get to eat a lot because Amy and I were running in the Swazi 5K. We had to be there before 8:30 our race started at 9. It was good, Amy and I completed it in 35 mins and 47 seconds. I am happy with it since we hadn't really trained. Maybe our next one will be faster. :)

I got to celebrate my birthday twice, dinner with Chris Saturday and Sunday afternoon dinner at my parents. I am so blessed to have family so near and family that loves me and supports me during the best and worst of my life.

On a different note I am feelings under the weather. It's probably allergies or a cold from one of the kids at school but it stinks. My throat hurts and it's scratchy. I am waiting for it to pass. Please pass quickly!

I am excited because we have fall break this week! I get Thursday and Friday off! My goal to to repaint our office, but that will be after sleeping in :) Yeah for Fall Break! This time of year I get really excited, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Anniversary! All this coming up in the next months. I love this time of year. Here's to football, hot chocolate and scarf weather!!! :)

Butterfinger Phone App

So I was watching this cute video of a little baby dancing to Beyonce's "Single Ladies (Put a Ring on it) when the funniest clip popped up after it... It was two guys sitting on a bench, one with a butterfinger. The other has his phone and says, "hey check out my new phone app." It then proceeds to steal the other guys butterfinger. So the guy pulls out his phone and says "look at this one"... when the stealer leans over to look at it, the guys hits him in the head with his phone and takes back his butterfinger. I laughed out loud... I hope everone gets to see it, I can't find a website that it is up and running on or I'd give you the link... hilarious though... good times...

Here is the link to the baby dancing...
http://video.yahoo.com/watch/6058308/15744481

I have the right...

I was at a conference a few weeks ago and attended a session on grief. Now this is geared toward children and resiliency but it spoke to me as well. There is a website www.centerforloss.com that has grief rights... there were several that spoke to me as I continue to struggle with IF and the loss of baby Tribuzi a year ago... The two that really spoke to me is I have the right to talk about my grief whenever I feel like talking and I have the right to need other people to help me with my grief. Sometimes I feel like talk to much about what I am feeling and how sad I still am... I feel like people are going to not want to be around me because I talk about it. Needless to say I feel guilty a lot when I do talk to someone about my grief... Those grief rights remind me that it is ok to talk about it! Now it doesn't mean that everyone will listen or that people will say or do what I need them to but the point is I AM ALLOWED TO HURT...

It was a year and a week ago today that we went to our first OB/GYN appt to check on the baby and do an ultrasound and it was a year and a week ago today that we were told that the baby had stopped growing... This past year has been a difficult one there has been too much loss. My birthday is coming up and it too is bittersweet as 3 days before my birthday I had a D&C to remove my sweet baby. Maybe this is why emotions are running high for me right now... I don't know but I sometimes feel that if we are able to get pregnant it will talk away a lot of pain and resentment I feel. Realistically I don't know if that will ever happen. I was blessed with the gift of empathy, I feel deeply and am affected forever by the things, people and circumstances that happen in my life... So a viable pregnancy may or may not change my seasons of grief... Who knows? What I do know is that I need to rely more upon God for strength, I tend to think that I will do a better job than He of planning my life and being strong but when it all boils down, I am weak, selfish and narrowminded. My friend told me last night that God's timing is perfect, my faith tells me this is true but my flesh is screaming "Yeah right!"... I do know that whenever we finally have a baby either biologically or through adoption that child and those to follow it will be so loved! I just wish God would give me the greatest desire of my heart, a child. Maybe that is the problem, God isn't at the top of my list or maybe I just have a screwed up system that needs some serious fine tuning.

All I know is that I am tired of suffering alone... my hope is that I can bond with others who are or have dealt with what I am and can provide support and comfort if to do nothing else than lend an ear.

Do not worry though, my writing will not always be so glum, but you know what? We are allowed to have our bad days, our days when we feel like nothing is going right and the whole world is out to get us. We are also allowed days of hope and joy and fresh outlooks. My God has blessed me with an amazing husband, loving family and fantastic friends. I know that even through my down days I am thankful for the love and support that everyone has given me this past year. I KNOW that I would not have made it without you.

I pray that if you don't have a support system that God places in your path someone who will love and listen to you, cry and laugh, tell you when you are being stupid and support you no matter what choices you make.

Just remember I have a right, so do you.

Love you!

Going South!

I am excited because today after work we are heading down to Plano to see the in-laws... Laura is in town before she goes on her next rotation for med school so we are making a quick trip down to see her, Craig and Diane. :) It will be good to see them, we really didn't get to make any trips down there this summer so it's been a while since Chris has seen his family. We are going to enjoy a good, albiet short, visit.

On a different note, I am so pumped about it being officially fall!!! Even though the weather this weekend will feel more like summer, yesterday was a fall day! We went to the fair last night with some of my good friends the Lawsons and Huntingtons. We have been friends since high school and we had a good time gorging ourselve on fair food... Really, that is all we did... My scale will tell you I ate about two pounds of food last night :) Oh was it good! Plus we saw the BEST MULLET EVER!!! This dude's hair was LONG and he had the thick chops and the business was curly while the party was wavy... John got a sweet pic of it. :) So good times. I also ran into so great friends from college and it was so much fun to talk with them a bit, it brings back such fond memories. Fair=Awesomeness!

Well catch you later!!! Have a great weekend everyone!