This morning I woke up from the worst best dream... I know that sounds crazy but it was the best dream because in it I gave birth to a beautiful, happy, healthy baby girl. I had given birth without a doctor because she came so fast. It was glorious! My heart was so happy! The worst of it was that I had to wake up. Oh for dreams to come true! Part of me wishes that God was showing me what will happen, that is, I WILL get my hearts desire... The other half of me just thinks that because I am so aware of my desire that it is natural to dream about it. It was so hard to get out of bed after that dream. I wanted to go back to sleep and continue my dream. Unfortunately, that doesn't happen. I think what make it harder is that I found out I have a cyst about 20 mm big and anything over 14, they tell you to take a break. Dr. K gave me a pack of birth control to try and help shrink it. I go in a few weeks from now to see if it has shrunk. If it has I am back on clomid, if it hasn't who knows what the next step is... More bc? It feels like for every step we take forward to solve our fertility problems makes it worse. We are trying very hard to trust God and His timing... Too often though I try to take it back in my hands. I have also been talking to Chris about adoption. We are not sure if we are ready to give up on trying to get and stay pregnant yet. It's a blurry, frustrating line which is different for everyone. Please pray for our family and for God's will to be done and a peace for us as we try to follow him.
Besides the normal fertility issues we are excited to be starting a community group out of our Sunday school class. Tomorrow is our first night and I am looking forward to the group getting to know each other. Hopefully this will be a great chance to build deeper relationships and grow in our walk with Christ.
We are getting ready for several fun things in the next couple months, a few of them are the Blue Man group, a close friend's wedding in NYC, Chris being the BM in his buddy Dan's wedding and our annual Costume Party! My goal is to become better at blogging starting now, for the few that follow, thanks for dropping by, reading and leaving us a quick note!
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4 comments:
i am praying for you and chris and for your doctors. And wisdom to know what steps you need to take. you guys are so great!! miss seeing you lots!!
I'll be praying that God will give you and Chris guidance. You're right, it's a very personal and hard decision. Thanks for your comment on my blog! I'm here for you too! :)
im so sorry we are praying for you all. weve had difficulies and hopelesnes with fertility and "working parts" in the past. complete oposite now. whatever you two choose God will have his hand in it. go with your gut and heart. God uses those to guide. you have our heart and prayers ~sarah marshall
Thinking of you and praying for you! :)
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